Reality Sometimes Bites

Do you think anyone ever finds true happiness? I mean the kind where you don't know how to be anything other than content, blissful, worry-free, and just plain happy. I know some people are naturally happy - and I think that's me...but then again, maybe it's not.

I find myself questioning this often after I have dreams where I am just SO ultimately happy that I don't ever want to wake up. And I HATE when I have those dreams, because it takes me forever to snap back to reality - and in the meantime I just suck. All the way around.

Today was a day like that. I had a blissful dream, and I can't even remember enough of it to tell you what it was about. I just remember being happy. Nothing was wrong. Nothing bothered me. Nothing worried me. I didn't want to leave the world of REM and come back to the world I know everyday.

But alas, as I had one kid already up and escaping out the front door to go wake the neighbors and another kid kicking his bedroom door from the inside screaming "I'm done sleeping! I can't get out!" and a husband having to go to work on Sunday - I realized that I better come back to earth.

As my feet hit the floor, I knew I had to hit today full-on or I was going to be nothing short of worthless. I should have started the day off with church, but even that felt like too much work. I wandered aimlessly for a few minutes and after reading the depressing Sunday paper, I decided maybe I'd better mow the lawn. Now normally, I like mowing the lawn, but it had been put off so long since before our vacation, that I was facing a forest of long grass. There was sure to be something that resembled an amphibian lurking in it. I was right. I found a salamander that was small enough yet ugly enough to make me want to leave the lawn mower running solo. But I didn't. And of that I'm proud. I don't know where that sucker is now, but I know he's still around and that bugs me. So there you go - an hour into my day and I'd already encountered unhappiness. ;)

After lunch, I had a quick catnap while the kids climbed all over me. Whether or not that can be classified as happiness is left up to each individual. This day, as I counted each little blessing attached to each of my kids, I decided that ultimate happiness would not be found in having a nap this way.

Knowing that I needed to mop the kitchen floor on my hands and knees and face a mountain of laundry didn't make for happiness either. In this instance a maid would have helped. I had a good phone conversation with my best friend who assured me that even she feels like I do sometimes - and she is HAPPY and CONTENT by nature. Thank God, I must be normal.

So I got off the phone, mopped that floor with cleaner that smelled like dirty feet combined with ammonia (not happiness there) and washed windows, along with a few "fix it" jobs here and there - I felt like I was coming closer to my dream. I changed the laundry, but was quickly reminded that there are 4 people wandering around here wearing more laundry - so that task suddenly didn't bring a lick of contentment. Damn. Not what I was hoping for.

Maybe supper of super nachos (which I love) and a cold beer (is that okay on Sunday?) will make me better. Top that off with a few back episodes of Days of Our Lives and a bar of chocolate and I outta be getting close. If that doesn't do it, nothing short of Colby Donaldson showing up naked on the doorstep asking for me is gonna do it. Wait, was that last night's dream?! I think I'm on to something!